I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
