how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
