Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
