Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
