Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
