i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
