So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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