You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Porn is love you can see.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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