Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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