i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
