Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
