I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
