You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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