Tell her she can't have a vagina
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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