my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
