I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
