You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
