i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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