is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
