Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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