I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
