we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
