i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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