Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
