Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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