Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
