she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
