If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
