it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
