I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
