is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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