At least make sure they are 18
Why
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
