i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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