her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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