Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
