my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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