We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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