You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
