Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
