Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
