Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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