i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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