theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
