Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
