Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
