I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
