I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
