guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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