Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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