Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
